I Think I Want To Give Up

Honestly, she's, for the lack of a better word, trouble. I can't think about anything else... When I try to study, my thoughts eventually go to her and how angelic she is. This is beginning to become a bit of a nuisance because, I can't study or concentrate at all. This happens when she's NOT around. When she is, I get all fidgety, I can't even THINK straight. I tend to go quiet and try not to make her angry at me for some reason.

In fact, she's becoming more and more distant from me. It's as if she's a completely different person now. Whatever happened to the old her, I ask myself. I bet if I talked to a complete stranger for even 5 minutes, I'd know the stranger more than the person I've known all my LIFE, dammit.

I have no idea what to do. When I need her the most, she ignores me and when I don't want to see her(which is quite often lately since I AM confused about my feelings for her, she's around almost half the time. I'm beginning to derail from what I want to become, all because of a girl.

People think I have no problems since I'm always cheery and all but... hell. They have no clue. I feel like I'm trying to escape reality by being so cheerful. FFS, it makes me sick just thinking about it.

I wonder what I should do? In fact, what SHOULD I do now? I've been like this for almost 4 years straight, stuck on the same girl. Just those three syllables gives me goosebumps. I think I'm going crazy, no one my age should be made to think THIS BLOODY MUCH.

I don't think I have anything else to say =(

Ja na.
Yuuichi-kun
aka Damien